Solemn Escape

I can't believe I am still awake. Here I am staring at the computer not knowing what to do and listening to Mariah's new song "Angel's Cry" (well not really sure if it's newly released, just heard it from my sister) over and over again. Honestly, I cannot discern what the song really means, I'm just aware there's background music. I wanted to switch to some classical songs and hear the sweet serenade of the piano that will help me fall into deep somber.

I guess, I need to contemplate about life more. I needed a physical escape, do some soul-searching in a secluded paradise where no one can reach me. I needed my sanctuary.

Heart-sick, Desolate and Vulnerable

I don't know what's gotten into me this past few days. The atmosphere at home has been jovial for the past few days but then I felt so empty inside, the smiles were merely for their sake, I remembered a friend telling me, "Better let them see that you are happy rather than explaining the melancholy that you're feeling."

I am now all alone, feeling all the desolation all the world can offer. I can feel my heart being ripped out of me. I cannot fathom the reason but I know deep inside it has something to do with "him". Does reminiscing suppose to feel this way? It felt so bitter-sweet. I love reviving the moments we've spent and retracing the paths that we made together but it makes me bluer by the moment. I guess I just missed "him". Well,....

***re-posted from Un Viaje al Incierto; original post date : April 8, 2010

A Momentary Lapse of Reason

I don't know but my instincts are telling me that I might lose a friend soon. I am not talking about a loss that involves migrating or moving out but a loss that might be permanent, well hopefully not. I don't know what went wrong and what made me think about it or rather made me think twice. I was just leafing through something and then... "Bam!" There it was just right in front of me and it struck me real hard. At first I totally ignored it, however it distressed me. Does this "stuff" got to do with me? I can say I am being unreasonable that time. It was just my instinct that's telling me that something has gone awry. Hopefully, this is just paranoia that struck me. I despise losing trust.